So everyone has heard the theory
"When one door closes, another door opens"
Well I was thinking about this today as I was feeling
Lily moving around in my belly.
There have been several times in my life
where I felt a door was slammed in my face. But somehow another door
always seemed to open.
Some experiences were harder than others, mainly infertility,
but through each trial, whether small or big, something
good always seemed to come out of it.
When I was going into my Jr year of High School I auditioned
for our Jazz choir. I loved singing and my brother
was in it and I was really hopeful of making it.
I had been in choir for years and I had this illusion
of being in that paticular choir.
Well I ended up not making it and all my friends did.
It crushed me.
I was jealous of my brother
because he seemed to always get everything that I wanted.
I knew that I would be jealous everytime my friends walked
to 5th period which is when Jazz choir met.
I had made the Concert Choir which I was happy about,
but I was still sad that I was the only one out of my 4 best friends
that did not make Centralheirs.
To me this was a trial, even though I knew it was
not a major one. But I still felt like a door had been closed.
So I decided that I would do the high school pre school which
was only offered to Juniors.
It would be 3 times a week during my 3rd period.
I was excited to teach little kids.
One of my classmates in the pre school worked at
a daycare and she told me they were looking to hire someone.
I jumped at the opportunity and was hired to work
in the todler room.
I worked every day after school at the day care until
I graduated. It was the best job I could have had and I
loved it so much.
I would have never known about this job
if I had not been in the pre school and I would
have not been in the pre school if I had made
the Jazz Choir.
I ended up making Centralheirs my Senior year......
and loved every minute of it!
My next experience was when I got accepted into BYU-Idaho.
BYU-Idaho is different than most colleges because
they have 3 different tracks. YOu either have fall/winter,
winter/spring or Summer/fall. When you apply you
can put which track you want but its not a garentee that you
will get that one. Of course I put down that
I wanted fall/winter because that was normal for
most colleges. I ended up getting Summer/Fall track.
So that means I would have all of winter off of school.
I was upset because I didnt want to just go to one
semester of school and then have to go home until the following Spring
when school would start again.
I was totally discouraged and didnt know what to do.
I had always planned on going on a study abroad so I
thought that maybe that winter semester that I had off I would
go on the study abroad to London.
I looked up and sure enough they had one that semester.
I instantly applied to go.
I had to wait several months and had some interviews before
I was officially accepted into the program.
My study abroad was one of the most wonderful things I have
ever done.
It also ended up being that Ben and I had the same track at school and we met that summer after my study abroad.
The previous year I was so desperate to be on the
"normal" track and be home in the summer w/ the rest of my
friends. If that had been the case I would have not gone on
my study abroad or met my future husband.
Now onto infertility.
When I knew it would be hard for me to get
pregnant my world seemed to shatter.
I felt totally out of control of everything.
I didnt know what the future held and it made my anxiety
very high.
Even though I would look back at my previous experiences of
disapointment turning into blessings, it was
still hard for me to not be
disscouraged when I could not get pregnant.
It seemed so easy for everyone else.
Now that I am pregnant I look back at these
last 2 1/2 years with Ben and I realized
that even though I struggled a lot of the time
with infertility, we had a great time and I think
our marriage was strengthened by it.
If we had gotten pregnant right when we started
trying, I would have never worked at the law firm
where I met one of my best friends. I learned so much working
there and I would not have had that job if I already had a baby.
I know that I will have many trials throughout my life and
I'm sure they will not always be easy and you cant
always see the bright light at the end of the tunnel. But
I know that Heavenly Father sees the whole picture and will
never let us fall without picking us back up!
