Thursday, May 31, 2012

All Things Baby

Today I am 10 weeks.
I feel like this trimester has gone by fast
yet gone by really slow!
All I can think about is this baby
and I just keep getting more and more excited!
So here is a post about all things baby!:)

!.GENDER-I keep refering to this baby as a boy and sware by it! But who knows I could be wrong. 

2.SYMPTOMS-Hardly any! My head will hurt and I can feel my uterus growing and stretching and I sometimes get more tired and could sleep all day. This past weekend I felt pretty sick but I have been feeling fine ever since so Im wondering if maybe I caught a bug. We were around lots of family so who knows.

3.NAMES- Ben and I have had names picked out since we were first married. I have always loved the name Lily and when I used to write in my journal about future kid names Lily was always #1. So I told Ben that I would not marry him unless he liked the name Lily for a little girl. He did not disagree! Than the summer we moved to Cheyenne we were talking w/ my mom about boy names and we just happend to be talking about Gone with the Wind that same day and she thought Rhett would be cute! We loved it. Gone with the Wind is one of Bens favorite movies so it fits pretty good!
Boy= RHETT(dont know middle name)
Girl= Lily Anne

4. Nursery- I love thinking about the nursery! I want to have hot air balloons be the theme. But not like the room threw up hot air balloons. It will be classier than that!

So these are the colors I want to use if its a boy except
hanging above the crib will be Hot air balloons and I want
white furniture. If its a girl the wall color will be different
and the balloons will be more of a pastel color.

5. Anxiety- Its definitly still there but its getting easier and easier everyday and mostly Im very happy. I still get afraid every once in awhile that something bad is going to happen. But I try and relax as much as I can...for my sake and for Bens sake! Oh and I guess for the babies sake. LOL. I dont want it to come out of the womb wanting xanax!!!!!


6. Belly- Belly is definitly there. It actually seemed to grow a ton within the last 2 days. It is very hard and I feel more and more bloated. I feel huge for only being 10 weeks. But that also once again has to do with going through IVF. I think my body is about a month ahead of a normal 10 week pregnant girl.

7. Weird things- I dont like ranch sunflower seeds or coke anymore. FOr those of you who know me best know  that these are some of my favorite things! I have had a whole blog post dedicated to coke. Now coke is the last thing I want to drink. However sometimes I drive by Mcdonalds and want a big gulp coke. But cans and bottles of coke sound so gross. And dont even get me started on ranch sunflower seeds. I can hardly stand the smell of them. LOL. Ben has enjoyed me not crunching away on those all the time.

8. Cant think of anything else to post about. SO thats all folks. I am so so so happy and cant wait to have my little Christmas miracle!

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Strongest Women

For the past year instead of looking up fun creative things on pintrest I was looking up infertility blogs. It was a comfort to read about someone going through the trials I was facing. The things they wrote in their blogs were things that could have come directly from my mouth. The pain, fear, jealousy and faith were all a common theme. The woman all varied in age with different problems but we all had/have the same goal, to bring a baby into our arms. I would read as they too went through failed treatment after treatment. Each time I would feel the same hurt for them as I did for myself. I saw girls get there first ever possitive pregnancy test and I would become so excited even though I had never met them in my life. I have also seen a lot of loss through these blogs, loss at every stage of the game. My heart breaks for these woman. To go through so much and have it all taken away. SOmetimes I think the universe is just so unfair! Infertilty no matter how old you are, no matter how long you have been married/not married, no matter what your story is, its a life changer.
However there have been many happy endings and I have seen woman go to the other side of infertility.
Im thankful for the journey Ben and I have been on. It makes me appriciate family even more than I did before. It made it even more sweet to see those 2 lines on a pregnancy test. My heart is so full! I hope to all those who are out there still suffering w/ infertility to be able to have there happy endings. They deserve the same happiness I am experiencing right now! I know that when they do become mothers, they will be some of the best!!!!

This song has been on my mind since before I was even pregnant and I think that it goes for woman going through infertility as well.

 Blessed - Elton John

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star form the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that
I promise you that
Promise you that
You'll be blessed

Friday, May 18, 2012

Hello there baby

My anxiety has subsited!
Todays appointment was perfect!
Here is baby measuring 8 weeks!
I am so in love.

Our little one

This is measuring the heart rate
178 beats per minute:) 

And here is a video of the heart beating away.
(its the thing that goes up and down in the middle of the baby) lol

Another video of heartbeat zoomed out a little
but I think you can almost see it better!

I am no longer a patient at RRC and we signed our
release to a OBGYN in Topeka.
I loved my Dr and nurses in Kansas City
and I will forever be greatful for them!
With the help of my Dr, modern science and of course
our Heavenly Father I am pregnant and just so happy!
Anxiety you can just leave FOREVER!:)
OH and I guess Ben helped too! LOL

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Oh Anxiety!

I hate Anxiety
It's like living with a little voice
telling you bad things are going to happen.
I have had anxiety since I was 2!
Ok maybe Im over reacting on being 2 but
its been a long time.
Im a very happy person but my anxiety
really takes a toll.
Tonight I am axious for my
appointment tomorrow.
I made it a whole week w/ out worrying
and than it hit me hard.
 I get scared before every appointment because
my anxiety tells me something bad will happen.
I know that there is nothing I can do if something
bad did happen so I should just relax.
My brain just goes in circles and cirlces.
I just love this baby and I would die if something happened.
Infertility changed me so much. IT made
it hard to believe that I was in fact pregnant
and it made the fear of something bad happening just magnify.
It was almost like I thought it was to easy. For almost
two years Ben and I tried to get pregnant.
I had to go through a year of many failed treatments
and lots of dissapointment.
I felt like we had so much bad luck!
So now that Im pregnant I just cant help but worry that
my new luck might run out.
I know that these are irrational thoughts but
thats how I feel. My mom who is always my go to gal
read me a passage from her diary when she was pregnant w/ my
brother and she was worried that she would misscary her baby.
I guess any woman who gets pregnant whether it takes her
one month or one year gets scared that somehting
will happen to her new little tiny growing baby!
But I really have been enjoying this past week since I saw my babies heartbeat. It wasnt until tonight when I started getting
really anxious again....
OK now I am going to be possitive!:)
I am 8 weeks today and so far my symptoms have
been pretty easy. NO morning sickness at all.
I never feel sick.
The only thing that changed w/ me were my headaches.
I have had horrible headaches since I was
about 6 weeks. They are pretty consistant(except for tonight
and I think thats why I got little anxious)
I look at the photo of my lil baby every day
and tomorrow I should get another pic.
I also believe that if everything goes well
tomorow I will graduate from my RE and just go
to a normal OBGYN. I cant wait to
be considered a normal pregnancy.
ITs about damn time! lol.
Ok I am going to go to bed now so that tomorrow
will get here fast.
Please continue praying for this little miracle!
He/she is very wanted!:)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Little Baby Romney


We saw the little heartbeat flickering away on the screen.
It was so neat.
I was so anxious for this first ultarsound and now I feel like
a burden has been lifted!
The baby measured 6 weeks 4 days so he/she  still has a lot
of growing and still needs lots of prayers but we are just so happy!
Our next ultrasound is in ten days and we will be able to hear the heartbeat.
Seeing that little blob on the screen and seeing the fast up and down motion of a
heartbeat just made me melt!
Even though I still dont have many symptoms I am now
reasured that I am in fact pregnant and there is a growing little Romney in there!
Im on cloud 9!