I hate Anxiety
It's like living with a little voice
telling you bad things are going to happen.
I have had anxiety since I was 2!
Ok maybe Im over reacting on being 2 but
its been a long time.
Im a very happy person but my anxiety
really takes a toll.
Tonight I am axious for my
appointment tomorrow.
I made it a whole week w/ out worrying
and than it hit me hard.
I get scared before every appointment because
my anxiety tells me something bad will happen.
I know that there is nothing I can do if something
bad did happen so I should just relax.
BUT I CANT!
My brain just goes in circles and cirlces.
I just love this baby and I would die if something happened.
Infertility changed me so much. IT made
it hard to believe that I was in fact pregnant
and it made the fear of something bad happening just magnify.
It was almost like I thought it was to easy. For almost
two years Ben and I tried to get pregnant.
I had to go through a year of many failed treatments
and lots of dissapointment.
I felt like we had so much bad luck!
So now that Im pregnant I just cant help but worry that
my new luck might run out.
I know that these are irrational thoughts but
thats how I feel. My mom who is always my go to gal
read me a passage from her diary when she was pregnant w/ my
brother and she was worried that she would misscary her baby.
I guess any woman who gets pregnant whether it takes her
one month or one year gets scared that somehting
will happen to her new little tiny growing baby!
But I really have been enjoying this past week since I saw my babies heartbeat. It wasnt until tonight when I started getting
really anxious again....
really anxious again....
OK now I am going to be possitive!:)
I am 8 weeks today and so far my symptoms have
been pretty easy. NO morning sickness at all.
I never feel sick.
The only thing that changed w/ me were my headaches.
I have had horrible headaches since I was
about 6 weeks. They are pretty consistant(except for tonight
and I think thats why I got little anxious)
I look at the photo of my lil baby every day
and tomorrow I should get another pic.
I also believe that if everything goes well
tomorow I will graduate from my RE and just go
to a normal OBGYN. I cant wait to
be considered a normal pregnancy.
ITs about damn time! lol.
Ok I am going to go to bed now so that tomorrow
will get here fast.
Please continue praying for this little miracle!
He/she is very wanted!:)
2 comments:
I have been reading your blog for a while (I found you through another one. I guess I'm a bit of a blog lurker. Who isn't right?). Here is why I finally decided to comment. I, too, am pregnant (after trying for 8 months). This will be my second. You have definitely gone through more than I have to get pregnant. Anyway, I will be 8 weeks on Sunday. We are pretty much on the same schedule! Isn't that weird? I hope your appointment goes well. My big appointment is in 2 weeks and I, too, am very anxious. I still don't believe it.
WEll thats exciting we are on the same schedual. Evertying went very well today at my appointment. Baby has a strong little heart and is measuring just right so that took away a lot of the anxiety. Once I get into my 2nd trimester I think the anxiety will go down even more! Just a few more weeks!!! Hope everything goes well with your appointment too!
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